Sticking with it?!

I would consider myself to be a "people person." I genuinely love people, all kinds. Kinda why I decided to become a nurse. I really can't think of anything else I would want to be...BUT clinical coupled with a lot of unexpected emotions have made me question my career choice more than once. These emotions aren't always positive, which makes it hard. I have found that you become desensitized somewhat to people. I was very worried that I would struggle with a need to attach myself to every patient, at every clinical. But honestly it is quite opposite. I see the unfortunate reality of not taking care of your body...the ugly truth that we are given ONE body by God and it makes me sick just how blase people are about this. They simply don't care. I see a lot of knowledge deficit but the majority of the patient's I deal with have made one bad decision after another when it comes to their health. It's hard to feel sorry for someone who can't breathe because they have exacerbated their COPD (kind of nursing jargon, sorry). They are lying in the hospital with oxygen on talking about having a cigarette. What a terrible way to live...gasping for breathe if you don't have oxygen therapy. Then you have those who are victims...victims of cancer...victims of a genetic disease out of their control. I have had two patient's who have gotten a hold of my heart....TWO. So I ask myself will I be a good nurse? Are these feelings normal? YES, unfortunately YES! If I cried and fretted over every patient I would be a terrible nurse...you just can't do it. I am a feeler. I feel great empathy. That is just who I am...BUT I seriously feel that God is pushing me forward, yes pushing me and sometimes I dig in my heels and say NO. I will have over 80 credits after this semester and I only need 124 to graduate. I'm almost there...unbelievable. After a day like yesterday (I actually got physically sick). I wonder if I can do it...continue on. I am surprised sometimes by how hard nursing really is...the sights, the smells (smells get me), the hard thankless work, charting, vitals, getting a 20 minute break during a 12 hour shift. All realities in nursing! I kind of imagined being able to sit bedside with patients, taking time to get to know them, hear their story. There is NO time for that. When you have 7 patients to one nurse there is no time for you to hear a back story let alone sit down for a minute to talk to them. I swear every patient turns their call light on at the same time...really...I don't have time to help you pee. You just do it, everyday you plug away. The shifts go by sooo very quick (this is a good thing). Truly no boredom, EVER! So am I sticking with it? HECK YES! Hey, I'm not in the business of telling God no that's for sure! I will make a great nurse, not just a good nurse, A GREAT ONE! So I move on. One more clinical. A million more tests. And I might add an A in pharmacology...that's right a big. fat. A. Just bringing up that GPA...I digress. Seriously though every patient is a lesson I learn in humility and grace. Maybe I don't feel sorry for them per say but I will take good care of them. Because that's what I do!!